The following is from Montrose Baptist Church's AM worship service on November 15, 2009.
The closest I have ever come to perfection probably occurred when I was fourteen years old.
I am certain by now that you all now how passionately I love the game of baseball. In fact, it is one thing that I miss dearly. I miss practice. I miss the sweat. I miss the muffled sounds through the ear-holes of a helmet. I miss the feeling of a ball hitting the sweet spot of the bat. And most of all, I miss standing on a mound staring down a batter.
Now, I’ve never claimed to be perfect, but one evening in 1996, I came close. That particular evening we were playing the Falcons. It had been more than seventy-two hours since our previous game, so I was OK to pitch.
For some reason that evening, my fastball had a little extra pep. My curveball had a little extra break. And my change up actually slowed down. Through the first four innings, I recorded ten strikeouts and two putouts. There had not been a ball hit past the pitcher’s mound.
Through the fifth, things continued on the same path- and by the time the sixth inning rolled around, I was sitting alone at the end of a dugout. (It's baseball superstition)
Finally, the game had progressed to the point if we held the other team off for one more inning, the game would be called an inning early on account of the ten-run rule.
During the last inning, with one out, my hope of perfection ended. A ground ball rolled through the legs of our third baseman. It was not hit that hard- it just was not fielded.
All of that work went for not- and the record would not show perfection.
As I was working on this morning’s message last week, I began to think about that day and about our quest as Christian people to become perfect. We are called to work toward the fullness of the image of Christ. We are to continually strive toward eliminating any imperfection. Unfortunately, there are times when we hit a pebble- or a bump in the road and our best attempt at perfection fails.
And then there are times when I am reminded that even if I am perfect for one day, even if I succeed for this time- the game of life never ends.
We are a people that must constantly press on toward righteousness and maturity until we reach the fullness of the stature of Christ- until we become as He is, perfect.
I do not say this in judgment or condemnation, but I am certain that there is not one person in this building that has reached the pinnacle of perfection in life. I know that I cannot claim that. And so, we have work to do. We are left with further growth and maturity to attain.
I believe that Paul gives us a great understanding as to how to strive toward our calling.
Read text. (Philippians 3:12-16)
As we look at Paul’s epistle to the church at Philippi, we find Paul’s progress and approach to Christian growth. We find four steps that we must take in our pursuit of Christ’s perfection.
First, we must…
1.) Grasp Our Condition
“Not that I have already reached the goal or am already fully mature…”
Before we can move any farther than mere infancy in our Christian faith, we must truly grasp our current condition. We must see ourselves as we really our- and that is Christians that have not yet reached perfection.
Just consider the author of this letter. Consider what this should say to you and me.
Paul, the man that authored the majority of the New Testament said that he had not already reached the goal. He was not fully mature.
We can even look at his list of accolades earlier in the chapter. He was circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews, and a Pharisee. It has even been suggested that Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin council. Paul- in terms of Jewish customs and law was faultless. This was a man that sat at the feet of Gamaliel. He was as close to perfect as humanity could get. However, he insists that he still has not reached the fullness of maturity in Christ.
Now, if Paul insists that he had not arrived, why do act as if we have?
None of us have completely digested the fullness of the knowledge of God. We still do not understand every facet of Scripture. And even if we did, there are none of us that are perfect in our adherence and obedience of that instruction.
As Christian believers, there is a time to look at ourselves in comparison to the lost world around us and feel accomplished. There is the temptation to think of ourselves more highly than we ought.
However, we must rediscover our need. We must rediscover humility.
Now, I realize that most of us- if not all of us would not hesitate to admit that we are in need of growth and maturity. However, I still believe that there is a struggle at times with truly grasping our condition. There is still a temptation, even in a small fashion, to pretend that we are farther along than we are.
Before we can grow any further, we must grasp our condition.
In addition to seeing ourselves as we really are, we must take the next step and…
2.) Grow Our Captivation
“…but I make every effort to take hold of it because I also have been taken hold of by Christ Jesus.”
Paul realized the he was not perfect. In spite of the nearly perfect life he lived under legalism, in spite of his best efforts, he still was not fully perfect and mature.
And in recognition of that fact, Paul said that he makes every effort to take hold of that maturity because he has been taken hold of by Jesus.
I believe this is a beautiful image. When I see this in my mind’s eye, I see a picture of Christ hand in hand with one of his children. And because He is holding on to His child’s hand, because He is walking with Him, He is drawing him closer to fullness of maturity in Him.
Paul is saying, “Because Jesus has hold of me, because He is walking with me, I am going to take every opportunity to draw closer to Him.”
I believe that it is interesting that Paul used the term “taken hold of” here. It also tends to communicate the picture of captivity. Yet it is consistent with Paul’s presentation of himself throughout the epistles. Paul almost always calls himself a bondservant, servant, or slave of the gospel.
Paul speaks about being taken hold of, yet it is not a restrictive, demeaning captivity that we would think of. Rather, it is the idea that Paul is completely captured by the love of Christ. He is captivated.
Now, I know that y’all are probably tired of hearing about me and Emily. However, when I see this phrase speaking about being taken hold of, it makes me think about the love that I share with Em.
When we started dating, even until now, there is something about that love that has me captivated. It keeps my attention. It deserves my affection. Because of that love, there is nothing that I would let stand between me and her.
I believe that is exactly the picture that Paul is presenting here. Because he is captivated by Christ’s love, he is doing everything in his power to remove all obstacles to their relationship.
We should be challenged by Paul. We too need to grow our captivation.
Let me simply ask: Where has our wonder gone? What has happened to our utter amazement with Christ’s love? We must be captivated by it so that we are actively pursuing our relationship with Christ.
Let me mention briefly, the easiest way to grow your captivation with Jesus is not some séance or attempt to manipulate your emotions. The easiest way to restore your captivation is to spend time with Him. Study His word. Pray and speak with Him. Serve Him. The more you are with Him, the more you will desire to be with Him.
If we want to grow in our maturity, if we want to pursue perfection in Jesus, we must grasp our condition. We must grow our captivation. Then we must be careful to…
3.) Guard Our Concentration
“Brothers, I do not consider myself to taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead…”
We must understand where we really stand in God’s eyes. We must seek to grow in our love for Him. We must be captivated by Him. And then we must be careful to guard our concentration.
Paul says that he forgets what is behind and reaches forward to what is ahead.
Now, there is the tendency to use this at New Years when talking about the opportunities God grants for new beginnings. In fact, I have even used this passage for that purpose here.
However, I don’t believe that is all that it is communicating. We look at it and talk about moving on from past failures. And I believe that you can use it in that context and still be maintaining Scriptural integrity.
Certainly our sinful pasts can be cause for crippling our service of Christ. There are plenty of people within the church that believe that they are unable to serve God- or even come to Him because of something that they did in their past.
We must be willing to quit looking back to those disappointments and failures. We must move beyond those shortcomings and allow our past to be the past and not our future.
Paul was a man that would certainly want to forget parts of his past. Paul had a Damascus road experience where God Himself questioned Paul as to why he was persecuting Him.
Paul was convinced that He was doing God’s work and will until then. I am certain that Paul would love to forget about those that he persecuted and imprisoned. I am certain that he would love to move beyond the fact that we were introduced to him in God's Word as he held coats and cheered on those that stoned Stephen.
Yet, I believe Paul was communicating more. When we look back at the beginning of Philippians 3, we find that section that we quoted earlier. We find that place where Paul gives us a list of his accolades and qualifications.
Paul was a man that would have a great deal to boast about. He would have reason, more than any of us, to feel as if he had reached a higher plane in his Christian experience.
However, I believe that Paul was actually saying, “I forget what is behind and move forward- not because the past is all horrible and sinful, but because I cannot allow myself to boast in my accomplishments and forget I still have work to do.”
As Christians, many of you have served God faithfully for decades. You have taught classes and served the church. You have grown in your faith. However, we cannot look back on our pasts and pretend that they are enough. Rather, we still have more climbing to do. We still have further to go before we reach full maturity and perfection.
As God’s people, we must be careful to guard our concentration. We cannot get so caught up in the past- and our successes and experiences that we fail to move forward now.
We must grasp our condition, grow our captivation, guard our concentration, and lastly…
4.) Groan in Our Call
“I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.”
Paul understood where he stood with the Father. He understood his condition. And because of that fact, he was actively pursuing God’s call on his life. He was groaning in his call.
When Paul wrote this letter to the church at Philippi, I believe that it contained not just instruction, but imagery.
When Paul said that he pursues as his goal the prize of God’s call in Christ Jesus, I don’t see a man that decides to begrudgingly attend a worship service. I don’t see a man that reluctantly pulls out His Scriptures to fulfill his duty. I don’t see a man that shows any hesitancy.
Rather, he is pursuing his goal. He is running after Jesus with everything that is in him. He is praying faithfully. In fact, he can’t speak to the Father enough. He is studying God’s Word. He just can’t get enough. He wishes there was even more to it. He loves teaching and just being able to say the name Jesus.
This is a man that is excited about doing whatever God gives him the opportunity and privilege to do. He is going full-tilt toward his finish line.
And do you realize where Paul is in his race at this point?
Paul is in prison when he wrote this letter. He was in chains because of this gospel. Yet, he is still saying- whatever of my course I have left to run- I don’t care what the Romans do to me, I am going to pursue it with passion. I am going to give it my all- and I am going to love what I’m doing.
Paul is essentially the runner that has kept his eye on the finish line- and he is groaning- he is putting every ounce of energy he has into his pursuit of the call of Christ.
You know, when I read these words, its makes me ashamed. Here I am, a free man in a country that celebrates the greatest liberties of any nation, I am called to preach the gospel- I am given the opportunity of a relationship with Christ, and where is my passion? Where is the fervor in my life?
Ladies and gentlemen, we must groan in our call. We must pursue our Christian life with such energy and fervor that we have to depend on God for our strength.
I wonder what would happen if we approached our Christian calls with the same energy that we do sports- or family gatherings- or whatever our particular hobbies may be. What would life be like- what could God do if we passionately pursued Him the way we do other things?
I want to remind us this morning: We are not perfect. We have not yet arrived. There is still work to be done.
We must grow our captivation. We must be passionately in love with Jesus. We must keep our focus, not on our past victories or failures, but on what God has in store for us in the future. And we must groan in our call. We must run the race with everything we have.
Showing posts with label Baptist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baptist. Show all posts
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Defining Love
The following is from Montrose Baptist Church's PM worship service on November 1, 2009.
I am going to ask you to help us get started this evening. We are beginning our relationship focus on Sunday evenings that began with us showing Fireproof a couple of Sundays ago.
I do want to assure you, while there will be times when we are primarily focused on marital relationships, we are not going to ignore other relationships. We are still going to relate the principles to friendships, dating relationships, church relationships, and even our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I know that for some of you, your spouses have been at home with the Lord for some time, and we would not seek to overlook you in this time. It is my sincerest hope that we will simply learn to grow in our love for one another- regardless of the type of relationship we are involved in.
Let me ask you this question to get us started: How would you define love?
I need us to collaboratively come up with a definition for love.
(allow time for discussion- and compose corporate answer)
I believe that if we asked a group of varied ethnicities, family backgrounds, spiritual convictions, and age groups, we would come up with some distinctive differences in our opinions on love.
For example, listen to a couple of definitions provided by children.
“Love is when your puppy licks you in the face, even after you’ve left him alone all day.” –Mary Anne, age 4. “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”- Karen- age 7. “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.”- Karl, age 5. “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”- Emily, age 8. “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands have arthritis too. That’s love.”- Rebecca, age 8.
A teenage girl defined love as “always caring about someone, never wanting to be without them, and not being mad or staying mad at them.”
If we were to ask many adults, I doubt seriously that many would suggest something too different. In fact, in our modern society, far too many adults are prone to inappropriately use sex and love interchangeable.
While society today would not agree on a single definition, I believe that C.S. Lewis provides us with a definition that transcends time and follows Biblical principle. He said, “Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing...Love...is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God...On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”
C.S. Lewis sought to reduce the entirety of Scriptural teaching to a simple statement. It is a deep unity that is maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.
While I agree with his statement, and we will revisit it in a few moments, C.S. Lewis is not our authority. Even he has to be weighed against the unchanging standard of Scripture.
I would invite you to join with me in our quest to Discover the Definition of love.
Read text. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
I am certain that many of you could nearly quote the entirety of that passage. It is a definition and description that we have grown accustomed to over the years. However, I believe that we need to truly investigate what it says about God’s gift of love.
We’ll break it down quickly.
Love is PATIENT. While we understand love to be affection or unity, we must recognize that it is patient. It is long-suffering. It is enduring.
I understand that there will be times when those that you love may anger you more quickly than anyone else. After all, you spend the greatest amount of time with them. However, true love, God’s perfect love is patient.
I look back across the years and realize that God tried to teach me that love is patient at an early age.
I may have shared this story with you before, but if so, you have to endure it one more time. When I was in 5th grade, there was this beautiful, smart, popular girl in my class. I was smitten to say the least. However, I had one problem. I was scared to even speak to her. On the last day of class, when everyone was signing class shirts, I was even afraid to approach this little girl to get her to sign mine.
At the close of that year, I lost my connection with her- her family moved away. However, in seventh grade, I remember the two girls that sat next to me in class making the comment that she had moved back to town. I was excited, but once again, I was terrified of speaking.
The years passed and in high school I once again had a class or two with her. But things still had not changed. Finally, following a football game my junior year of high school, my group of friends met she and her group of friends in a McDonalds after the game.
As things would have it- and after a friend broke confidence, this girl finally knew a little of how I felt. She asked me to escort her to Azalea Trail and we began to talk. Later that year, she was my date to the junior prom- but the understanding was very clear that we were JUST FRIENDS. Twice I asked her to date me, and twice I was shot down. Finally, on the first day of our senior year, she told me she loved me and we began dating soon after.
That little fifth grade beauty and I have been married for eight years now- but it took seven long years for that love to be shared.
Love is not dictated by time. Rather, it is patient and long-suffering. It is enduring.
It is also KIND. Love is not vindictive or manipulating. It is not the seeker of evil. Rather, it is kind. It seeks good.
Now, this may seem to be something that is universally understood. However, it is not always translated in practice. Let me ask you for just a moment: How do you speak to your spouse? How do you treat those you love?
This past Friday, I was visiting a hospice patient and watched as a husband scolded his wife for speaking while he was speaking. He paused, and she thought he was finished talking. However, he was in the middle of a story- and intended to finish.
I had to sit by while he embarrassed his poor wife in front of outside company. And I began to wonder, if he was so unkind to her in the presence of guests in the home, I can only imagine how he communicates his love on a regular basis.
While it may be difficult at times, love is kind.
It is also NOT JEALOUS. IT DOES NOT BRAG AND IS NOT ARROGANT.
While those statements all have varying connotations, they all speak to one truth. True love is not primarily concerned with oneself. In fact, true love is selfless.
I believe that we can look to Jesus for our example here. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
In Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross, he evidenced the greatest love that man could ever know. He was not concerned with His own well-being. Rather, He was consumed by a love for His Father, for you, and for me. He was not arrogant. Rather, He made Himself to be a humble servant and took the sin of the world on His shoulders.
Jesus taught us that there is no “I” in love.
We could continue on through the rest of the passage, but it continues to reiterate the same themes. It expands and expounds on the selfless nature of love and then provides the promise that love will never fail.
C.S. Lewis said that love is a deep unity. And if you look at the Biblical definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, you find that all of these descriptions point to unity.
Just consider this: Each of the descriptions that we find, “Love patient, kind, not jealous…”, point to the unselfish nature of true love. And what is the true cause of discord and disunity? Selfishness. When you remove self and personal entitlement from the equation, unity comes naturally.
Love is truly a deep unity as C.S. Lewis suggested. However, there is one more thing that we need to understand. In addition to DISCOVERING A DEFINITION for love, we must also DETERMINE ITS DIRECTION.
We have a short clip from Fireproof that we are going to watch quickly.
(show Michael's "you've got to lead your heart" clip)
I’m afraid that one of the problems that we have as a society is that that we have sought to reduce love to a mere emotion. We have subscribed to this idea that love is an unstoppable force that impacts who it wills and misses those less fortunate.
We imagine love to be that attraction that leaves the man and the woman gazing helplessly into one another’s eyes when they first meet. However, that is not love. That may be part of being in love, but that is not the fullness of love.
Unfortunately, our homes are being inundated with these ideas and images. We are teaching our youth that love is this intense feeling in the pit of your stomach. Even our adults think that love is dictated by emotion and feelings. And it is wrecking the home.
Do you know what the most common statement in marriage counseling is? What do you think most couples complain about when they seek professional help? The comment usually goes something like, “I just don’t feel the love like I used to.”
We don’t realize love is not about feeling. It is not an emotion. Rather, C.S. Lewis and the writers of Fireproof both uncover the same thing. You may recall in Lewis’ definition that “Love…is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.”
Love is an act of the will. It is something that we can strengthen through our habits and our petition of God.
In the Fireproof clip that we just watched, Michael shared about his previous failed marriage. He said that he thought he was following his heart. But then he discovered that you must lead your heart.
There is a responsibility that you and I bear. We are called to determine who and how we are going to love. We must lead our hearts.
Just consider a couple of Scripture references. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 23:19 says, “Listen, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way.” Colossians 3:1 says, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above.”
Over and over again in God’s Word, we are taught that we can guard and determine the direction of our hearts. We can choose what we love and value. We can determine how we approach love.
Now, there are probably those that are thinking, “The heart wants what it wants.” However, that thought process is errant and to be quite honest, it is an excuse that we lean on.
When Scripture talks about setting your heart on something, it does not meant that we must physically turn the blood-pumping muscle in our chest in a particular direction. Rather, the heart is the seat of the emotion. We must turn our emotions, our desires in a particular direction.
When we start to substitute emotion in the place of heart, we understand that emotions are fickle. They are able to be manipulated and controlled.
We can determine the direction of our hearts.
If you determine to love someone and invest in them, you will discover that you relationship will deepen. It is not a matter of feeling, but of will.
Are you disappointed in your marital relationship? Determine that you will love more deeply and unconditionally, even when you don’t feel it. Are you struggling in your relationship with your family? Determine that you will love them, even when you don’t feel they deserve it. Are you finding difficulty with your friends and coworkers? Determine to love them in spite of what your emotions are suggesting.
Love is a decision that we must make- not just a feeling. When we make a conscious decision to love more freely, regardless of feeling or emotion, we will find that our emotions will eventually begin mimic what we have decided.
Let me share a story- to illustrate this, and we’ll close.
Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. “I do not only want to get ride of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.”
Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan. “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe that you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.” With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!” And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting “as if.” For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn’t return, Crane called, “Are you ready not to go through with the divorce?”
“Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never! I discovered I really do love him.” Her actions changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds.
We must understand true love as believers. We must understand that it is a deep unity that comes from selfless, sacrificial concern. And we must determine the direction of our hearts.
As we come to our time of invitation, I want to ask once again: Is there a relationship in your life that is struggling? Maybe it’s marital, maybe it’s familial, maybe it’s simply a friendship. You are the only one that can determine to love.
If we are struggling in our relationships, we must make a commitment to love even when we don’t feel like it. We must determine to love regardless of what return we see.
Your relationships- and the depth of the love in them are completely up to you. So is there a relationship you need to change? Is there a person that you’re refusing love?
Make the decision to make the change tonight.
I am going to ask you to help us get started this evening. We are beginning our relationship focus on Sunday evenings that began with us showing Fireproof a couple of Sundays ago.
I do want to assure you, while there will be times when we are primarily focused on marital relationships, we are not going to ignore other relationships. We are still going to relate the principles to friendships, dating relationships, church relationships, and even our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I know that for some of you, your spouses have been at home with the Lord for some time, and we would not seek to overlook you in this time. It is my sincerest hope that we will simply learn to grow in our love for one another- regardless of the type of relationship we are involved in.
Let me ask you this question to get us started: How would you define love?
I need us to collaboratively come up with a definition for love.
(allow time for discussion- and compose corporate answer)
I believe that if we asked a group of varied ethnicities, family backgrounds, spiritual convictions, and age groups, we would come up with some distinctive differences in our opinions on love.
For example, listen to a couple of definitions provided by children.
“Love is when your puppy licks you in the face, even after you’ve left him alone all day.” –Mary Anne, age 4. “When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.”- Karen- age 7. “Love is when a girl puts on perfume, and a boy puts on shaving cologne, and they go out and smell each other.”- Karl, age 5. “Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.”- Emily, age 8. “When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands have arthritis too. That’s love.”- Rebecca, age 8.
A teenage girl defined love as “always caring about someone, never wanting to be without them, and not being mad or staying mad at them.”
If we were to ask many adults, I doubt seriously that many would suggest something too different. In fact, in our modern society, far too many adults are prone to inappropriately use sex and love interchangeable.
While society today would not agree on a single definition, I believe that C.S. Lewis provides us with a definition that transcends time and follows Biblical principle. He said, “Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing...Love...is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God...On this love the engine of marriage is run; being in love was the explosion that started it.”
C.S. Lewis sought to reduce the entirety of Scriptural teaching to a simple statement. It is a deep unity that is maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.
While I agree with his statement, and we will revisit it in a few moments, C.S. Lewis is not our authority. Even he has to be weighed against the unchanging standard of Scripture.
I would invite you to join with me in our quest to Discover the Definition of love.
Read text. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
I am certain that many of you could nearly quote the entirety of that passage. It is a definition and description that we have grown accustomed to over the years. However, I believe that we need to truly investigate what it says about God’s gift of love.
We’ll break it down quickly.
Love is PATIENT. While we understand love to be affection or unity, we must recognize that it is patient. It is long-suffering. It is enduring.
I understand that there will be times when those that you love may anger you more quickly than anyone else. After all, you spend the greatest amount of time with them. However, true love, God’s perfect love is patient.
I look back across the years and realize that God tried to teach me that love is patient at an early age.
I may have shared this story with you before, but if so, you have to endure it one more time. When I was in 5th grade, there was this beautiful, smart, popular girl in my class. I was smitten to say the least. However, I had one problem. I was scared to even speak to her. On the last day of class, when everyone was signing class shirts, I was even afraid to approach this little girl to get her to sign mine.
At the close of that year, I lost my connection with her- her family moved away. However, in seventh grade, I remember the two girls that sat next to me in class making the comment that she had moved back to town. I was excited, but once again, I was terrified of speaking.
The years passed and in high school I once again had a class or two with her. But things still had not changed. Finally, following a football game my junior year of high school, my group of friends met she and her group of friends in a McDonalds after the game.
As things would have it- and after a friend broke confidence, this girl finally knew a little of how I felt. She asked me to escort her to Azalea Trail and we began to talk. Later that year, she was my date to the junior prom- but the understanding was very clear that we were JUST FRIENDS. Twice I asked her to date me, and twice I was shot down. Finally, on the first day of our senior year, she told me she loved me and we began dating soon after.
That little fifth grade beauty and I have been married for eight years now- but it took seven long years for that love to be shared.
Love is not dictated by time. Rather, it is patient and long-suffering. It is enduring.
It is also KIND. Love is not vindictive or manipulating. It is not the seeker of evil. Rather, it is kind. It seeks good.
Now, this may seem to be something that is universally understood. However, it is not always translated in practice. Let me ask you for just a moment: How do you speak to your spouse? How do you treat those you love?
This past Friday, I was visiting a hospice patient and watched as a husband scolded his wife for speaking while he was speaking. He paused, and she thought he was finished talking. However, he was in the middle of a story- and intended to finish.
I had to sit by while he embarrassed his poor wife in front of outside company. And I began to wonder, if he was so unkind to her in the presence of guests in the home, I can only imagine how he communicates his love on a regular basis.
While it may be difficult at times, love is kind.
It is also NOT JEALOUS. IT DOES NOT BRAG AND IS NOT ARROGANT.
While those statements all have varying connotations, they all speak to one truth. True love is not primarily concerned with oneself. In fact, true love is selfless.
I believe that we can look to Jesus for our example here. John 15:13 says, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”
In Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross, he evidenced the greatest love that man could ever know. He was not concerned with His own well-being. Rather, He was consumed by a love for His Father, for you, and for me. He was not arrogant. Rather, He made Himself to be a humble servant and took the sin of the world on His shoulders.
Jesus taught us that there is no “I” in love.
We could continue on through the rest of the passage, but it continues to reiterate the same themes. It expands and expounds on the selfless nature of love and then provides the promise that love will never fail.
C.S. Lewis said that love is a deep unity. And if you look at the Biblical definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, you find that all of these descriptions point to unity.
Just consider this: Each of the descriptions that we find, “Love patient, kind, not jealous…”, point to the unselfish nature of true love. And what is the true cause of discord and disunity? Selfishness. When you remove self and personal entitlement from the equation, unity comes naturally.
Love is truly a deep unity as C.S. Lewis suggested. However, there is one more thing that we need to understand. In addition to DISCOVERING A DEFINITION for love, we must also DETERMINE ITS DIRECTION.
We have a short clip from Fireproof that we are going to watch quickly.
(show Michael's "you've got to lead your heart" clip)
I’m afraid that one of the problems that we have as a society is that that we have sought to reduce love to a mere emotion. We have subscribed to this idea that love is an unstoppable force that impacts who it wills and misses those less fortunate.
We imagine love to be that attraction that leaves the man and the woman gazing helplessly into one another’s eyes when they first meet. However, that is not love. That may be part of being in love, but that is not the fullness of love.
Unfortunately, our homes are being inundated with these ideas and images. We are teaching our youth that love is this intense feeling in the pit of your stomach. Even our adults think that love is dictated by emotion and feelings. And it is wrecking the home.
Do you know what the most common statement in marriage counseling is? What do you think most couples complain about when they seek professional help? The comment usually goes something like, “I just don’t feel the love like I used to.”
We don’t realize love is not about feeling. It is not an emotion. Rather, C.S. Lewis and the writers of Fireproof both uncover the same thing. You may recall in Lewis’ definition that “Love…is a deep unity maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habits reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God.”
Love is an act of the will. It is something that we can strengthen through our habits and our petition of God.
In the Fireproof clip that we just watched, Michael shared about his previous failed marriage. He said that he thought he was following his heart. But then he discovered that you must lead your heart.
There is a responsibility that you and I bear. We are called to determine who and how we are going to love. We must lead our hearts.
Just consider a couple of Scripture references. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 23:19 says, “Listen, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way.” Colossians 3:1 says, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above.”
Over and over again in God’s Word, we are taught that we can guard and determine the direction of our hearts. We can choose what we love and value. We can determine how we approach love.
Now, there are probably those that are thinking, “The heart wants what it wants.” However, that thought process is errant and to be quite honest, it is an excuse that we lean on.
When Scripture talks about setting your heart on something, it does not meant that we must physically turn the blood-pumping muscle in our chest in a particular direction. Rather, the heart is the seat of the emotion. We must turn our emotions, our desires in a particular direction.
When we start to substitute emotion in the place of heart, we understand that emotions are fickle. They are able to be manipulated and controlled.
We can determine the direction of our hearts.
If you determine to love someone and invest in them, you will discover that you relationship will deepen. It is not a matter of feeling, but of will.
Are you disappointed in your marital relationship? Determine that you will love more deeply and unconditionally, even when you don’t feel it. Are you struggling in your relationship with your family? Determine that you will love them, even when you don’t feel they deserve it. Are you finding difficulty with your friends and coworkers? Determine to love them in spite of what your emotions are suggesting.
Love is a decision that we must make- not just a feeling. When we make a conscious decision to love more freely, regardless of feeling or emotion, we will find that our emotions will eventually begin mimic what we have decided.
Let me share a story- to illustrate this, and we’ll close.
Newspaper columnist and minister George Crane tells of a wife who came into his office full of hatred toward her husband. “I do not only want to get ride of him, I want to get even. Before I divorce him, I want to hurt him as much as he has me.”
Dr. Crane suggested an ingenious plan. “Go home and act as if you really love your husband. Tell him how much he means to you. Praise him for every decent trait. Go out of your way to be as kind, considerate, and generous as possible. Spare no efforts to please him, to enjoy him. Make him believe that you love him. After you’ve convinced him of your undying love and that you cannot live without him, then drop the bomb. Tell him that you’re getting a divorce. That will really hurt him.” With revenge in her eyes, she smiled and exclaimed, “Beautiful, beautiful. Will he ever be surprised!” And she did it with enthusiasm. Acting “as if.” For two months she showed love, kindness, listening, giving, reinforcing, sharing. When she didn’t return, Crane called, “Are you ready not to go through with the divorce?”
“Divorce?” she exclaimed. “Never! I discovered I really do love him.” Her actions changed her feelings. Motion resulted in emotion. The ability to love is established not so much by fervent promise as often repeated deeds.
We must understand true love as believers. We must understand that it is a deep unity that comes from selfless, sacrificial concern. And we must determine the direction of our hearts.
As we come to our time of invitation, I want to ask once again: Is there a relationship in your life that is struggling? Maybe it’s marital, maybe it’s familial, maybe it’s simply a friendship. You are the only one that can determine to love.
If we are struggling in our relationships, we must make a commitment to love even when we don’t feel like it. We must determine to love regardless of what return we see.
Your relationships- and the depth of the love in them are completely up to you. So is there a relationship you need to change? Is there a person that you’re refusing love?
Make the decision to make the change tonight.
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